Listening to the Last Samurai Soundtrack

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, or I suppose Black Friday at this point. It sounds like we're actually going to go out and participate in it.

I stuffed myself for Thanksgiving. I'm sure I'm approaching my daily caloric intake, but this afternoon was the only time I ate food to speak of, so I'm not feeling too bad about today. I'm going to try to get back on the work out train soon here. I'm not sure what I'm doing for winter break, but I'm sure I'll be spending a good amount of it

I'm going to try to be a good boy for the holidays. I've got 2 weeks to finish school strongly. Sleep will be essential. I'm not attending the OAHPERD conference after all, however. No moneys, and I have a feeling I'll need that day for working.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be that guy who gets up at 5:00am and does all kinds of healthy shit. Sometimes I wonder if that's worth it. Less talk, more do.

Night night.
--matt

Possibilities:

I wrote a list today. Free form. First things that came to mind under the heading "possibilities" for myself. I think the order in which they came to my mind was interesting.

• Own a shop
• Become a personal trainer
• Become a fitness instructor
• Become published
• Become a martial artist
• Compete in a badminton or racquetball tournament
• Become well-read
• Weigh 200 lbs.
• Earn a D in foil or sabre
• Become a practitioner of yoga & tai chi
• Become a teacher (rather low on the list, eh?)
• Become involved in community health
• Run a 5k
• Get a Ph. D.
• Become an artist (of any sort)
• Play in a chess tournament
• Become self-sufficient and gainfully employed (not first? Perhaps that applies to all of these)

What do I believe? Why is my teaching important?
For methods:
High school--it is important to experience P.E. in this country using this approach for myself. It is also my responsibility to do my best.

Why Handball?
--they CAN learn a new physical skill
--they MUST work as a team to succeed
--physical activity can have more meaning if it is a positive experience
--they CAN and ARE responsible for their movement, and should be unafraid to take action to express this

Elementary methods:
--fundamental skills for a variety of culturally valued activities
--Teach them that they CAN move, and that moving is FUN
--That they SHOULD move
--That they have a RIGHT to move
--Social skills
--That students are worthy of movement

Surprisingly fitness oriented. Surprisingly skill oriented.

What is my job? What do I want?
Autonomy
Money
Important to society
Insurance/benefits.

....is this teaching?

I need to stop spending so much time thinking about what I have to do and do it.

so tired, so busy

Feeling kind of numb lately. Desperate. I know it's senior-itis, but I'm also trying to cope with certain teacher. I haven't been emotionally exhausted like this in a long long time.

I tried to enjoy my veteran's day. I think for the most part I did. I didn't get a whole lot done, but I got enough done I think. This weekend is going to be the real test. I have a lot to do. Hopefully I'll be able to compartmentalize and get things accomplished.

I didn't do terrible on my diet today. It wasn't stellar by any means, but all the food I ate was actual food and not Wendy's or Taco Bell so that's good.

I miss working out. See emotionally exhausted.

I have to work very hard not get self-destructively bummed about it all. I keep telling myself it'll be over soon. Methods are hard enough without a teacher complicating it. I'm trying to stay positive. It's so goddamn hard. I'm supposed to be loving this and working hard. Instead I want to do anything but this.

I'm trying to take the Tao of Pooh verrrry, verrry seriously. It'll be about the only way I can cope with this semester. Worst case scenario: flunk out, work and pay off debt. Own a restaurant in 10 years. Not that bad.

Best case scenario: get straight A's, work and pay off debt. Own a restaurant in 10 years. Also not that bad, no?

Okay, time to be productive. This would be the part where Buddhism and Taoism help me survive.

...."From birth to death it's just like this?"

peace
mcsm

Hello. I'm still not very productive. I've rehearsed a thousand times in my head what needs to be done this week. I've known what I need to do since last Wednesday night. I have barely done any of it.

Part of it is I just don't want to do it. A lot of it is it's such a massive amount of work that I keep looking at it paralyzed. I also feel a little shortchanged. For both of my methods classes I need to utilize a huge amount of footage.

I barely have any footage. I need to hope that my next teaches for High School Methods are fantastic, and I need the different things that my exemplar teach is supposed to demonstrate to all be on the ONE lesson I recorded.

I can't imagine that my entire grade is bound to these tapes, but a good chunk is, and I just don't have the data. I keep getting distracted/confused/forgetful/someone forgets to tape for me. I'm getting really really nervous. I've done a lot of work this semester and I'm genuinely scared I'm not going to have good evidence for the things I've learned.

I don't know if I just am nervous cuz we're over the hill semester wise, but I think I might have something to be worried about.

Now that I've talked myself into a fit, I'm going to get to work...

God I feel awful lately. Senior-itis is setting in for sure, and while I know I'm supposed to make time to do physical activity, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!

Truth be told I spend most of my time worrying about what to do. I want to work fast food and just pay cheap rent and sleep till noon everyday again.

But at least the weather is nice and cool--great running weather. Great walking weather. I remember when I had time to enjoy it. Gosh.

Monday is super-crazy lesson-plan day. I have a list of to-dos somewhere, but just so I can sleep well tonight let's have them here, eh?

• Team-building lessons
• Passing lessons
• Shooting/Goalkeeping lessons
• Individual defense lessons
• Biomechanics study session prep
• Read any literacy stuff I may have to read.
  

The lesson files I'm projecting will take about 3-4 hours. Other stuff should take about 1-2 hours. I don't know what else I'm going to do but it's going to involve chess or Lord of the Rings by god.

Class from
8:30-10:20
11:30-4:00

I get sick of thinking about what I have to do--I would much rather have the ability and time to "do" things.

Slept till 1:00 today. It's 1:38am. Not nearly ready for bed yet, but I guess I better.

Fuck it.

--matt

Whew, Anna's almost ready for the conference in 6 hours! Whee! Gotta say it's been a stressful semester for both of us, and it's only half over. I'll be glad when it's over. I'm not even the one throwing it together!

I'm thinking of going veggie again. Right now I feel like it's the only dietary guideline that I know I can stick to, and I'm semi-educated enough about food that I know what I need and should eat...

I'm considering getting back into tai chi and yoga. While those aren't incredibly health-enhancing things physically, mentally they do provide some stability, and I did love my 'tai chi days' when I constantly had it on my mind--it was kind of neat to get off the bus or drive my beat up car down to the community college, do some tai chi, and then go back into life as a crazy student of fencing and life in general.

I'm planning on giving my room the cleaning of its life this weekend. It's part transplant from my room in Dayton, so it should be quite the undertaking. I'm also going to try to keep my nose in a book or three, and see if I either get any work caught up or see if I get any reading done.

My Aunt Geneva died. I wasn't incredibly close, but she's someone I always knew well. She was a cool lady, and my Grandma's partner in crime. She really was my Grandma's lifeline for a lot of things. I'm not even sure how she died yet, I just know that she was up there in years. I hope she went peacefully.

Gosh, leaving home for 3 years can really change things. I wonder how much has happened since I've been gone?

Oh! I picked up a flyer for a Capoeira class! Sweet!

--matt

A rant. I'm up way too late. My head tells me to work but my heart tells me not too. At least I have the luxury of time to blog...

Oh man, has not been a good few weeks.

Next week I think I'm going to get back on the running program again. At least get some kind of workout going. I have the judo bug, I think I need to make that happen soon.

I need to simplify a lot of things in my life right now anyway. I'm cleaning my room tonight, and I'm going to try to tie up all the loose ends that have been developing this week, some tonight, some tomorrow. Probably going to stay up for quite awhile because I slept for so damn long today.

I'm kind of getting depressed, I don't know why. I had a migraine today, but it's an effort not to say 'fuck it' sometimes. Still in a scrambling effort to do the right thing and be nice and simple. I did some good journal writing the other day. Need to do more. Yes, you read that right, I just wrote about writing about writing.

Anyway, I'm making a concerted effort to enjoy life a lot more. I'm trying to get good grades, but I'm kind of noticing where I place my worries. I spend a lot of time wondering what I should be doing and how things should look and what I'm deficient in blah blah blah.

What happened? I remember wandering the streets of BG during a pleasantly sunny, snow-covered day, hopping into a game store to bullshit with the owner before raiding the UCF library and then going to the community library. I walked back to campus, did some homework at the computer lab, ate some food at the cafeteria and then went back to my dorm to blast some music and do some studying when I wasn't losing to Kyle in Mario Baseball. Good times huh?

God, fuck that, how about staying up until 3, 4, 5...7am talking about how to make the biggest splash in society? How about those times when we knew that playing games and socializing and sharing ideas was more than just games and socializing? How about when we had time to do it?

Remember when we used to dream? Em just asked Anna and I something to the effect of what our dreams were. We both just kind of stirred out drinks and looked at the table, fumbling for something to say. I swear on my life I thought I'd never see that happen, but I experienced it, and it still feels awful.

So what happens when I graduate? I always considered college the rite of passage prior to the 9-5 job. I think I'm gonna enjoy teaching, but there's so much shit I have to consider outside of that.

Why do we comply with this life? I guess it's because they have what we want. Sometimes I'm a Type B staying afloat in a Type A world, and it's such a bad fit sometimes that I get a migraine just thinking about it. At what point does education truly become empowering instead of teaching us to comply? Especially at the college level? What will I tell my students?

When will we stop dismissing the so-called "counter-culture" icons? When will we stop treating a child or an adult's predilictions towards anti-conformist social responsibility as a cute phase? When will we stop breaking people instead of building them up?

When will we say we are in the business of empowering students, and mean it?

Happy Fall Break Everyone!

Tomorrow morning I'm going out to breakfast with Anna! Probably just get eggs, potatoes, and toast w/coffee. I'm wondering if I shouldn't come up with a "meal plan" for Fall Break just to make sure this is a healthy, cleansing kind of thing. Sleep is going to be weird. Hopefully not too weird. Back at mom's apartment.

It will be nice to have clean clothes. I may even run, who knows?

I also need to get my meditation cushion. I'll try not to stay up until 4:00 am, but we'll see. At any rate I need to READ goddammit!

I've been very anxious lately. Buh.

--peace
matt

health vow

It's 4:10 in the morning and I have to be at BGHS at 8:30. Gosh.

Want to take a "health vow" with me? I'll come up with some criteria next time I'm on here.

Until then, here's to not passing out.

peace,
matt

May the week of mindlessness end here

Good morning. The sunset is glorious in BG. That whole waking up early thing I mentioned previously just gained a little more credence.

The apartment is a mess. I'm going to clean it today, and get everything as spic and span as I can (as Matt can, which is to say I will stack things neatly and wipe things down and try to throw out all the trash). Then I needs to revise my lesson for Elementary Methods and prepare for Monday.

I'm forcing myself to take my workloads one day at a time. Anna and I need to have a talk about this. We started to earlier this week. Hopefully we can continue it some time.

Right now the silence in the apartment is pretty cool. I likes my solitude on occasion. I don't likes my procrastination on more than one occasion (seriously there is a deep orange cutting directly across an already brightening blue and it's making me consider skipping sleep).

I agonize over the things I have to do. Today I stared the wave of shit I have to do down and it just made me retreat into facebook and other websites. I think I need a bit of time pressure to do things, but I'm not good at putting them on myself. Something to contemplate over Fall Break.

I'm kind of sick of contemplating though. When am I going to change my life? My tendencies? When will it be by my will? By my chosen circumstances? I always wanted to resist getting caught in the rat race, in the tidal wave of Things to Do. Now I'm in that riptide for sure. Some can thrive in this environment. Somehow I've found a way to survive. I wonder sometimes if I'm the weird one, or if it's society?

Anyway, I absolutely need to get some sleep before getting to it today (Sunday). Hope your day is a good one.
Peace
matt

Brief update.

Funny thing is, I'm starting to like posting here. Less populated, more limited (relevant) audience. While I enjoy the little Q&A meme every once in awhile I don't have to worry about furry porn or mega-diagrams or pseudo-postings/cries for help aimed at semi-significant others...

I think keeping health in mind and relevant happenin's is a good thing here. Plus I love this blog's aesthetic.

So anyway, I'm still sick as hell, but so far I'm actually eating semi-healthy. I may or may not work out tomorrow, we'll see how I feel. I DO need to get some more sleep and some rest. I feel like I'm on the tail-end of this one, but I still feel like I got hit by a truck.

Not much else to say health-wise, except i needs to be gettin' back to ma homework.

peace
matt

1. Motor Learning Study (Notecards) ---Done
   
2. Motor Development Interview Written Product---Interview done, now when the hell am I gonna write that?
   
3. Organize High School Methods Folder---Monday night
   
4. Study for Biomechanics Quiz--- Prior to biomechanics? Might have to bite that bullet. I'm so tired.
   
5. Revise lesson file for Elementary Methods---Done

So how was your day? Mine was not surprisingly work-filled. Still kind of distracted by the internet. Not too bad though. Even snuck a nap and a Taco-Bell date in with the lady-friend. And yes, today was filled with Tea and Coffee!

I'm sick again. Anna's been trying to take care of me. We're both so goddamn busy. Frisbee has been the only time I've worked out for a long time. I'm thinking Wednesday I'll try to get back on the running horse.

I need to plan a menu for the week.

I HAVE sat consistently at least once a day for about 4 days now. Which may be some kind of record.

It occured to me yesterday that with some very easily movable furniture I have more space than the average college kid is blessed with in my living room and also in my bedroom when it's clean. I'll need to consider utilizing that as a workout option.

Dear god, I'm not turning in before Midnight am I? I must REALLY be sick...

peace,
matt

New List. How is your Sunday?

1. Motor Learning Study (Notecards)
2. Motor Development Interview/Written Product
3. Organize High School Methods Folder
4. Study for Biomechanics Quiz
5. Revise lesson file for Elementary Methods
   

Almost done interviewing Mom for number 2, and I've started cards for number 1.

3 and 4 will be easy. 5 should be a snap too.

::gassho:: (I like signing posts like that. Hmm)

Prepping for Sunday

Ugh, It's almost 4:00am. Sunday has gotta be "get my shit together" day. This is turning into a journal more than a health blog. It's affecting my health. Also, I'm sick.

Fuck all around, ya?

Sunday will be a good day. There will be tea. Lots and lots of tea. I'll edit this entry/repost the bottom half tomorrow as a review. I'm not addicted to int4rw3bz.

For Sunday:

10:15--Wake, zazen, breakfast, clean room.

At noon:

1. Motor Learning Study (Notecards)
2. Motor Development Interview/Written Product
3. Organize High School Methods Folder
4. Study for Biomechanics Quiz

That looks like it's doable in an 8-hour time-frame, ya?

Also, I'm going to try an experiment. I'm going to do this all as silently and media-free as possible. Compassionate communication with those around me, but AIM and music only for breaks. Not even trippy flute music, and I'm not going to light incense--I'm not going to assault the ears or the eyes or the nose tomorrow. So, "pure, mindful work" is the order of the day.

Your quote for the day:
"How wonderful!
How wonderful!
All beings are perfect,
exactly as they are!"
--the Buddha

With a little luck I'll have time for some fun.
peace
matt

I've been pretty bad lately. Not a lot of activity. Not a great diet. Not a lot of sleep.

So I've sort of begun trying to get back to the ground up. Started sitting again. It's always an "on the horse/off the horse" thing with me. Same goes for working out.

Another Frisbee game tonight. Should be fun. Hopefully I last a little longer, as I probably can pace myself slightly better. I should be able to eat a little better in preparation for it as well.

My roommate is captain of a soccer team. I keep thinking I should go to a practice just to see what it's like.

Anyway, I have another class. If it wasn't worth 1% of my grade I'd skip it too. Just dragging total ass today.

Sorry to be such a downer. Peace.

matt

So, Ultimate Frisbee

Holy shit. More details later :) I'm hooked.

I found a website

I really like this one. It has a great big "Zenny" theme to it, but the guy really seems to know what he's talking about. He knows what sounds new age and what doesn't, and it's basically just a kind of "simple living/self-help" kinda website. Cool stuff.

http://zenhabits.net/2008/07/the-beginners-guide-to-zen-habits-a-guided-tour/

I've been playing with the idea of waking up very early to do things, and I think I'm going to start doing that this week. I'll be waking up at 6:30 every day this week (I already wake up at 7:00, and get out of bed at 7:20 or later) but I think I'm going to actually get up and move this week. I'm going to try to get my homework done nice and early (not) so we'll see how this one works.

I was going to pseudo-fast today, but I got a wonky start waking up late and staying up late. Been eating okay. I want to get into the habit of "grazing" more. I'd rather not buy from the Union so much. School is exhausting, but I guess that's life. That's part of waking up early. I loves me some sleep, but if I get on top of things maybe I'll have time for relaxing/napping later in the day?

Especially if I get a workout going on in the morning. That will be cool if I can get that on track.

I'm seriously going to print out a lot of those pages on the website, pop a squat at Starbucks or Panera (decision pending) read those.

Lesson File done by 8. Literacy done between classes. We'll see how this waking up business suits me. I should have time if all goes according to plan to catch up to my other work.

Waking up in 6 hours.

I feel really strange about my health right now. I know I haven't eaten healthy, but I have a feeling of a loss of control. I may need to run by myself a few times just to get the feeling back. Find my freakin' mp3 player again just so I can make a play list.

Anna is trying to have a super healthy week. I will probably talk to her about how exactly she is accomplishing that. She doesn't want to call it a diet. I kinda want to fast. I probably shouldn't tell anyone, might get the whistle blown on me. It's not really a good decision but I am feeling the need for some detoxification.

I have my own space almost set up in my room though, so we'll see how that goes. Shared space is strange. I shared a room growing up and the minute I got my own room I fought tooth and nail to keep it that way. It's strange to go back, especially when there is a reasonable expectation to be present with the one you are sharing the room with.

It's relevant because I am very picky about how I spend my time, which is not to say it's organized, but that I have control over it. I'm a head case. I wonder if I could do an aerobic sort of workout in this room?

I need to go to the grocery store. I need to slow down how much money I'm spending on food and coffee, but I should go make some smart purchases at the drug store.

Considering getting up early to go run. Anna is pretty good about not waking up until she needs to.

Whew, 14 hours of sleep. Mex-ee-can, and feeling a little better. Trying to get rid of the crud. Can't quite shake it yet, probably won't for a couple of weeks. I don't get sick a lot but it takes years for me to get over one.

Should start running tomorrow again. No, I still don't know how much I weigh, but to go off of feeling and how I look like how we health professionals and everyone are supposed to, then I need to get back on the horse.

Had an interesting conversation with Anna about how people can be in the fields we are in and not be the epitome of health given our knowledge. I think that speaks to the affective domain of education, the one that is most often over looked or thought of after the fact. It's one thing to know how the thing is done, it's quite another to feel that you want to.

Everyone wants to win--not everyone has the will to suffer to win.

Anyway, off to imbibe massive amounts of either coffee or diet pepsi, haven't decided yet. Current pipe/day dream of the day: cleaning up my bedroom for actual use today. We'll see.

I feel like shit.

later

I'm sick. I have no sense of my health right now. I probably put some back on, but I haven't been that hungry and I have been semi-active. Sleep is looking soooo delicious right now.

Good night. More substantive writings and decisions later.

239 or less i suspect. my legs hate me. so do my eyelids. nap time yaaay!

--matt

Quick Minute:

Ran today at about 1:00, took my sweet time recovering/eating lunch, etc... but that's how it goes. I ran 2 miles @ 10 minutes each. Not a big run, but I'm not in severe pain--A good run considering my recent hiatus.

It wasn't the detox day I thought it would be, but I didn't exactly commit to that. I think I'll just try to be smart this week. I desperately want Wendy's right now, probably because I'm about to go see a movie @ the union.

I'm feeling a little better today. I'm going to clean the apartment up, revise my homework, and just relax. I may study tonight, but I'm not even going to pressure myself--we'll see how I feel tonight. I have time tomorrow and I'm perfectly comfortable doing it then. I promised Anna I'd be a good support for her this week, so it's important that I'm on top of my shit too.

I can't remember when I'm supposed to run next. I think I'm supposed to meet Anna at noon at the rec? I'll talk to her tonight, and post it on here.

I still have no idea how much I weigh. Ah well.

I ran 2 miles with not a whole lot of difficulty, I just wanted to stop, so I did lol.

Okay, I'm off to go manage my time wisely or something. Have fun,

--Matt

This is a pretty depressing entry probably, and maybe even more LJ material than anything, but I'm going to post it here because this blog is about my health and it also has a much more limited, intimate audience.

I'm pretty depressed lately. I don't know why. I'm enjoying myself, but I just feel trapped in something, I don't know what. I think it could be just plain and simple anxiety from all the stuff that's happening this semester. It's been a plausible, convenient excuse.

I find myself fighting to keep some aspects of my life simple. I strive for a simple lifestyle, and a big part of that is living an intentionally healthy one. However, I find that it takes effort that is frustrating, and if there is any guilt whatsoever built into a decision made that will affect health, it can send one on a spiral of poor health and poor decisions quickly.

We see this happen a lot when someone decides they have irrevocably cheated on their diet. “Well, I already screwed this up, may as well have another piece of cake…” Obviously, only having one piece is better than having two, but fighting the guilt is much harder than doing the math.

In my previous entry, Anna and I went out to eat at Mexican just to have fun and celebrate and stuff. We (I, more likely) haven’t stopped eating like that. I tried to make good decisions at some restaurants—I tried to stock up on sushi at the Asian buffets rather than stock up on the General Tso’s, which probably saved me hundreds of calories, but it’s time to get real again.

Since I have an extended weekend every week, I can already see a cycle of “getting back on track” and “letting myself go” just because of time management. It’s very easy to rationalize doing this, and if I just plain don’t want to walk the line, I can get very cranky. I’m not particularly cranky right now I don’t think, but it IS almost 4:30 am, and I was on an awesome sleep schedule until precisely 3:30 Thursday afternoon, then the naps and the staying up took over my body by storm.

I often don’t even mind working out, it’s just that I’m stubborn enough that if you tell me we should run at three in the afternoon, I will say we should run at two or four just to have the final say. That may have something to do with how important it is for me to “own” my workout. So I hope I work out more than just when I have scheduled to run with Anna.

I also love to hang out with friends, and that usually entails a late night. I need to manage that better. It feels strange to schedule a day, but the only reason I’ve lost any weight at ALL so far is because I’ve declared a goal and tried to stick with it.

I believe I weigh 238-240 right now. I doubt I’ve plateau’d, but just reigning in the taco bell isn’t going to carry me much farther past this. I need to buy a good pair of shoes and then cut my debit card in half and make cash withdrawal s from the bank if I truly need cash. I’m not hurting for money, but T. Bell comes easy and having money when I need it is never a guarantee.

Anyway, Anna and I are supposed to run in the morning I think. She’s going to ask me if I want to run, I’m going to explain to her that I’m exhausted (any other point in my life I would just as soon sleep until 1:30—that makes me anxious rather than proud. Weird.) and I’m going to try real hard to go running with her and not make her cry.

My feet have recovered from bruising despite my trying to keep them inundated with extra pounds from food and such. Tomorrow will be the litmus test for how soon I need to buy shoes. If my feet are killing me Tuesday, it’s time for shoes—if they are not, I can wait till this weekend lol.

Okay I’m falling asleep on the couch, time to go spoon my lady and zonk out for about 6 hours before getting to it.

Oh, one last thing. Monday is going to be “Productive Detox Day.” I can see that being an acronym that Anna and I use for an extended time. “Can we have a PDD soon?

In other news, there are a variety of intramural sports available for play that I need to get into! Badminton intramurals are available—I needs be gettin’ in on that shit.

Really falling asleep now, I just had a spare minute so I thought I’d share. Good night!

--matt

A little less sore today. Didn't run last night. Instead I gorged on Mexican, and loved it. Will run tonight for sure.

Tryin' to eat better today. I can feel the habit of eating poorly. It's kind of weird. I really want taco bell still :)

--matt

Rough Night

Oh man, my body is aching all over--maybe I've gone too hard too fast. It's frustrating not to do it that way though. I was raised to think that if you weren't about to pass out from exhaustion, you weren't working hard enough. It's not that extreme, but an athletic work ethic is very important where I come from.

My feet are singing to me today--I know its' because I bruised them up a little running in poor shoes. I'm going to go to a shoe store this week and get fixed up. My hips aren't too happy with me right now, and my left knee shoots a pain up my leg to let me know it's still there. It gets jealous if I get too happy about the state of my hips.

I think I might have to hit the bikes tonight. That's too bad, because I really would rather run. I'm starting to enjoy running a lot now that I can see progress. It felt really awesome to run around the rec track last night and realize that I had just run a mile no problem. I would have been ready to die last semester. Naturally that's due to some physiological changes, but psychologically I feel a lot more purpose-driven in my running. Combined with the fact that with PRACTICE I feel I have a much better running technique, and know how hard to push myself to burn X amount of calories, I am certainly getting better at running.

I'm curious about how much I weigh. Also, I found out how extremely extremely important it is to be hydrated like all the time.

Okay, I'm starving,
have fun.

--matt

P.S. here's a cool fact: it really is harder to run in the grass than on the street! The grass absorbs your body's impact but there is a lot occuring biomechanically in order for you to compensate--if my physics are remotely correct, it's like this: you're putting force into an absorbent surface. In a street, the force is pushed right back at you: the energy to direct the leg back skyward is immediately bounced back--with grass or sand, you compensate.

In Nike and other shoe-company labs, the aim is to find a shoe with the perfect balance of absorption and comfort. That's probably why I feel slower in extremly soft/comfy shoes. Are court shoes more or less absorbant than running shoes? This is the wrong blog for that question, but it matters to my training, so we'll see where it goes.

k, bye bye

So I joined an Ultimate Frisbee team

Cuz like, that's one of the sports I'm trying to get back into, right?

Supposedly it's for a more academic purpose, but I've always wanted to play the game competitively, so this should be a blast. Games will be Tuesday or Wednesday nights.

Coupled with my run, I should be burning a ton of calories.

I have plans to run with Anna tonight at night. I think we're gonna run by the pond. My hips are feeling 'nervy,' so we'll see how I do. I think this week I better get to a shoe store and get a GOOD pair of shoes. The assics were nice, but I just realized they're about 7 months old and have certainly gotten their use.

I don't think I can underscore enough how important it is to have a support for your health. Anna asked if we could eat tacos. I desperately want tacos, but we both have an understanding of how important eating well is. Sometimes we have to learn how not to step on each other's toes when it comes to this little project of mine (my weight loss, her utter healthfulness), but I would be at Taco Bell right now eating a cheesy bean and rice burrito thinking it has plenty of nutrients as long as I play badminton for 20 minutes twice a week* if she wasn't there to tell me what "nutrient-dense" means every once in awhile.

Hey Anna, here's one for you-- nutrient dense--adj. "when someone makes a poor decision regarding food out of ignorance or stupidity." e.g. "Nachos with extra sour cream? Don't be so nutrient dense!"

Zing? ha ha? damn that was bad... I blame Anna's father...

So tonight it's steamed veggies (we ate all the broccoli, oh noes! At least I know we eat it a lot, so there's a 'power food' that we can gobble up), brown rice, and garbonzo beans. That's a healthy-sounding dinner, so I'm pumped. That's right, I'm pumped. It may be a fallacy, but I love healthy dinners because it usually means I can eat a metric shit-ton without feeling too bad. I'm sure that's not 100% accurate, but I can eat just about anything for hours. I'm starving right now because I'm talking about it so much, I think.

We may yet get tacos. But if we eat, i'm sure we'll get less. I may have to do an impromptu inventory of my calorie consumption. Cuz if I go, man oh man, it won't be pretty lol.

Kind of tired. I felt like running in the middle of the day today but I thought I should wait to invite someone who I know I could drag along. Which is funny because 51% of the time I prefer to work out by myself. I'm wondering if I should have run anyway and then run again tonight? I don't want to kill myself/get hurt, so I think this is probably best.

Note to self--if the rec is still open when we run, I need to weigh myself.

I'm still so tired. I'm trying to get to bed before 1am. I think I may need to make it even earlier. Anna has a much later schedule than me, so I'm going to try not to bludgeon the alarm clock for a full hour from now on. This goes along with the "stepping on toes" thing, as sleep is definitely an integral part of health. I also think I'm recovering from the first day of school.

Okay, I've yakked enough, time for dinner. Stay tuned

matt

*this is about the state of health education in our schools today folks.

Good start

Ran a 5k on a treadmill. 0.5% Incline, at about 5.5 mph. Burned at least 500. Go me.

I'm going to go shower, probably not ice my knee, and pass out. Or stay up, who knows.

Blargh.


Actually I do feel pretty accomplished. Hopefully this will become a routine. My goal is to do at least this much work every day. It's going to suck when my body weight starts to get healthy--then I'll have to maintain it!

But seriously, I done good today I think. Only a half hour workout, but it was certainly vigorous. My goal is to destroy my calories mercilessly, and eat just slightly less heartily. If Anna makes me pasta dinners all the time, that would serve my purposes nicely.

Sidenote: I think protein (nuts, eggs, pb) gets me going more quickly than fruits/veggies. Less burpy anyway.

Okay, I'm nauseating myself with my own shoe-smell, so I'm outty.

Matt

School Begins This Week!

And that means Rec Center!!!

This weekend I totally botched any semblance of good diet, complete with a Chinese buffet--bad Matt, bad!

Oh well, I'll have my check, and if it turns out I wasn't kidding about not eating out all the time, then I should be able to make very good choices with my diet.

I got a sense of two things the last part of this week: 1) "Bad" diets are really out of habit, culture or level of 'enabling' moreso than anything else and 2) I'm discovering a little more thoroughly what it means for a high cal/high fat food to be "worth it" to me. Cheap doesn't really cut it anymore, and while Chinese buffets are delicious, I don't think it's really worth the calories-- Anna and I have a good idea of how to share meals, so we may be better at that when we go out.

I'm also trying to learn to say no to food. It's easier to turn down ice cream. Now if I can just turn down 'seconds' I'll be okay.

Anyway, the rec is open to me tomorrow! So my regimen of blitzing myself with a high dose of aerobic workouts begins! Hopefully with the lack of sleep I'm getting I'll be okay! I know I'll need better sleep if I'm going to do that though. Ah well, first day of school and all that.

I'm also going to weigh myself at the Rec before I workout, and post the results here. I'm also going to record calorie intake for Monday and Tuesday, just to get a feel for my diet again.

Anna needs to show me how to do that equation thing where I figure out my Recommended Calorie Expenditure for the next two weeks.

Whew, 7:20 comes early everyone, night!
-matt

Fluctuation?

I weighed in this morning at about 238.6. I'm thinking that's on the low end of a fluctuation for someone of my size. I'm pretty happy about that.

It's weird, I'm fighting being proud of that because I don't want to stop. A strange part of my psyche is placated with praise.

Anyway, going to Put-In Bay with Anna today. Should be a lot of walking or riding bikes. So yay.

Trying to eat well today, we'll see. I'll at least try to be a bit smart. Maybe if we share entrees we can eat FOUR meals instead of two? Yeah? eh? eh?

--matt

Update.

I've lost a few pounds already, so that's good. I'd say my "Official" weight is 242 right now.

On Saturday I'm going to recalibrate my diet and work-out schedule. I'm considering purging on the treadmills at the Rec, but that's probably a dangerous thought.

I don't feel like I truly have a workout routine right now. I'm just trying to sort of make healthy choices where I can. I suppose that's a good way to look at it.

I realized that I'm really attached to my identity as an athlete. If I'm training for something, I feel like I need to be going hardcore. I dunno, I need to really re-think my lifestyle I think. I've been wearing the same clothes for years, and laundry is tough without cash. It's amazing how much even that affects your willingness to workout.

I watched the men's semi-finals bout against Russia. That was absolutely incredible. Probably the most exciting sports event I've ever seen. It made me want to fence too. I'm not touching a blade until I hit 210. I don't know if I'm setting myself up for an unfair situation or an impossible situation, but I want to get to 210 just to have that health. We'll see where the fencing takes me. If I hit 210, I might have the energy to do all the things I need to do to maintain a sports hobby of my awkward tastes.

I find it's more helpful to count calories every couple of days. I think I can sense when my diet misfires, so I don't think obsessively keeping notes is necessary. I think I know when I hit 2,000 calories or not. So far I've had about 600-700 with breakfast and lunch, so I've got some good room still :)

I'm going to go for a walk now--I should run today. We'll see if I get myself motivated to do it. I got really attached to my Mp3 player, and now I don't know where I put it! Hopefully that won't affect my running too negatively. I ran 2 miles the other day, sans ear buds, so sometimes the headphones aren't necessary.

peace,
matt

Haven't been keeping up with this blog

Mainly because of moving.

I'm back in Toledo with Anna. We've been eating out a fair amount, but even then we have been pretty good about being mindful of portions and sharing food and what not.

I've run twice this week--I hit a two mile run pretty quick. It almost killed me but I did it--I think I can stay at that level. I'm going to try to rope Anna into running with me tomorrow. I'm calling moving a workout too. I have to have burned a few hundred today by moving alone.

We were a little off today emotionally--I think moving and stress of school coming up may be getting to us. I just wasn't very skillful in a lot of situations today--it's really interesting how that affects my mood. In response to a little spat we had, I went downstairs and ate some left-overs. That was weird, it was like clock-work. I'd been wanting an excuse (another red flag? an excuse to eat?) to eat some bbq grilled chicken down stairs. After our little tiff, I helped myself. Um, I cut back on the potatoes?

Anyway, I think I hit my 3500 deficit for the week but I'm not really sure. I know I've lost a few pounds just from a change in diet and moving/running this week. I'm going to try to maintain this lifestyle throughout.

I'm trying to get into the habit (emotional eating aside) of "Eating to Live" rather than "Living to Eat." I had some dessert today, and I think I'm really going to try to get kids sizes or nothing at all from now on. Anna and I shared a portion of food today at Max & Erma's and it was perfect. I like this.

I'm looking forward to sharing a home with a health-nut like Anna. I'm getting better at just passing over cravings and trying to workout--I know I'm new to the scene again but I feel good. I just want to keep going.


Keeth Smart is my new hero.

I watched Keeth Smart comeback from a 10 touch deficit to win against the Russians 45 to 44 in Sabre tonight. It might be the best sports event I've ever seen.

It made me miss fencing a little bit dammit. I'm waiting until I hit 210. Not a pound before. I made a commitment to my health first. That's gotta be there before hurt myself doing something my body is not ready to do well.

More thorough documentation of diet and exercise to come :)

good night
matt

Well that sleep idea was a total bust lol...

I went to a mexican restaurant with Rob. Got the cheap meal, and was adequately satiated :) I'm having trouble finding the correct amount for the foods I ate.

I talked over the likely calorie consumption with Anna, and discovered a trap right away: the corn tortilla shells they serve before the meal at most Mexican restaurants. I probably ate two servings, so that's an easy 320 right there. The salsa typically has nuthin' so I'm not gonna count that.

So my meals today:

• 200 Taco
• 600 Burrito
• 500 Enchilada (rounded up)
• 300 Tuna sandwich (includes tomato slices, mustard, and a little cheese--I rounded up)
• 140 Cream of Wheat pack
• 320 Tortillas

So, total calories is not too bad: 2,060. Not too bad at all really.
I'm not sure how far Rob and I walked at the dam today. I tried to make sure it was uphill and brisk for most of it. I'd guess we walked at least a mile. I know we walked for a solid half-hour.
I think it's fair to call it 2.5 mph for a half-hour. It was sloppy but I'd agree with it.

I'm going to walk briskly to my mom's in about a half hour here. 3.5 miles. I'm going to try to get there in 40 minutes. So the amount of walking I will have done, with my incredible math skills and eyeballing my calorie-burned counter site, will be 500 calories.

So here's the run down:

• 2585 for Maintenance
• 2060 consumed today
• 500 burned through activity.
• -1025 Calorie deficit. Wow, is that right? (Ms. Taylor?)

That makes it deceptively easy to lose a pound a week at my weight! Sheesh...

Better mark this on the calendar now--On August 22nd I reassess my BMR to see if my weight will change.

I also need to get more nutrients. The meat n' cheese n' bread diet is not a good one.
I also need to drink much more water.

Fun fact: nbcolympics.com--live streaming of all events whether they get TV support or not! I've been watching women's foil. Don't tell anyone.

Lastly, on August 16th I'm going to assess how much of a deficit I've created to see if I should have lost a pound or not.

This is kind of fun when I'm the one keeping track. I should come up with an Outlook Express journal or something like that.

--
For Monday, I'm not going to get a lot of sleep, but think I'm going to go run with Eric and Anna (grumble grumble) I'm going to insist that they not wait for me. I think that will be a good time to start calisthenics too. I'm also going to bring my mp3 player with a different set of headphones and see how it grabs me. I'm going to keep track of the song-length and just keep a playlist going.


--matt

Insomnia....

Hooboy. Went to bed at 9:30 or 10:00 last night. Woke up at about 1:30. Couldn't get back to sleep. It's 4:15am right now. I'm so used to doing this I'm saying 'screw it,' and I'm going to start my day. Probably take a SHORT nap (insured with two alarm clocks :D) and continue on. Bed's probably nice n' early tonight.

Wish me luck
--matt

Not a Bad Calorie Day

• 120 two slices of toast
• 50 for jelly
• 133 2 sausage links
• 120 two slices of bread
• 100 for most of a can of tuna
• 45 for mustard and 2 tomato slices
• 140 for one pack of Cream of Wheat Peaches n' Cream
• 740 for a footlong Subway roast chicken with provolone and fat free honey mustard
• 150 biscuits
• 60 (?) for a 'big heap of canned spinach"
• 279 cup and a half of brown rice long grain (i'm guessing?)
• 100 1 ladle of bean soup (made with a few chunks of bacon so i'm padding that one up...)

Total Calories: 2037, about 450-500 less than what Ms. Taylor recommended.
I didn't count coffee or diet Pepsi, but I think today was a successful nutrition day. I think I'm going to try to hit 2,000 daily, which is straight off the food labels so that should be good for me :) I didn't go for a walk or a run today, just too damn tired. I stayed up this late and now I'm going to go pass out.

GOAL FOR TOMORROW:
Hit 2,000 or less, do the run/walk thing with calisthenics.
Packing should add some calories burned, but I'm not going to count it.
Also, I started counting like this on Saturday, so I'm going to try to record my diet like this from Saturday to Friday.

I'm going to try to log my calories burned from Sat-Fri as well.

2585 Recommended calorie intake for weight maintenance
2037 Calories consumed
0 Calories burned through exercise
-548 TOTAL DEFICIT

Caffeine does not equal REM...

Oh man, totally screwed up today on sleep. Took a nap in the afternoon and couldn't wake up, went back to sleep in the evening. This morning I went out with Rob. Didn't eat very healthy but I was under 2,000 Calories I think.

If I'm going to lose a pound a week I need to consume/burn 3500 calories less than I do right now.
Turns out I weigh more like 250. So I put in that weight at the following website:
http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc

And if I run at 5 mph for 20 minutes, I burn 320 calories
If I walk at 3mph for 40 minutes, I burn 330 calories
TOTAL: 650 calories. (730)
Edit: Weightlifting in general for 15 minutes equals about 90 calories. So if I include calisthenics it should tack on another 80-90 calories, for a total of 730 calories minimum!

If I do that 5.38 days a week, I'll have burned 3,500 calories. Now I have to burn 3,500 calories more than I take in to lose a pound a week. So I guess I'd have to know how many calories I burn in every day activities eh?

http://www.radicalbehavior.com/how-many-calories-should-i-eat-a-day/
according to this website, I should consume 3,246 calories a day to maintain my weight, considering myself sedentary right now. If I create a deficit of 3,500 by week's end, I'll lose a pound.

So I should be eating 22,722 calories a week to maintain my weight. Eating 19,222 calories a week should be no problem. That translates to 2,700 calories a day thereabouts. I tend to eat less than that, or so I thought--maybe I'm extraordinarily inactive? I'm going to give myself two weeks and then reassess my lifestyle and weight. If I eat below 2,000 a day I can lose 1.5 lbs a week, but I think I should be smart and just try to be as active as possible. After all, I want to enjoy food.

My official goal is to eat 2,400 calories a day, with a maximum allowance of 2,700. I will try to eat below 2,400, but only if the day's meals were particularly nutrient dense (i.e. low-fat, high fiber, fruits and veggies, no processed foods). This should get me started losing weight through diet alone. If I do the prescribed workout 6 days a week, I will burn more than 3,500 calories a week. My desire to do any more complex math than this has waned, so I'll be satisfied with that assessment.

It will be very important to burn the appropriate amount of calories along with the healthy diet. I'm going to try to maintain other areas of my life as well: If I'm organized and not sleep-deprived, I tend to be more willing to be physically active.

When did I become reluctant to get sweaty? I need to prepare to be active, with clothes and a gym bag and such--THAT'S WHAT I NEED! A GYM BAG!
---

I got very strange sleep the past few days. I got 7 hours in the evening last night, so I'm going to stay awake today and try to have a good day. I'll see if I'm up for running, but I'm definitely going to put some mileage on my feet.

I'm trying to own this. That's so important. I need to own it. I saw a post on Bullshido--someone said "hey man, you look good, what have you been up to?" The guy just replied, "started working out again, eating right." Not hard, you just have to be conscious.

I need a good symbol to remind me how to live well. Not Livestrong. That's been done. For some reason I was never a huge fan of Lance. Funny how doping allegations can do that. That's really not fair either, he's a cool guy.

Time for some coffee! And a good breakfast I hope! We'll see what Dad has to offer...

Good Morning!

Awake at 9:45.

Ham and potatoes and green beans so far. Lots of potatoes, not a lot of ham. A good amount of calories, and that was breakfast.

I'll probably have cereal for lunch.

--time for cleaning and shower.

OPENING CEREMONY TODAY!

The opening ceremony of the Olympics is at 8:00 this morning! They will be broadcast tonight at 7:30!

I have some money, so I can afford healthy food! Yay!

Good night!

Up at a much more decent time--hopefully not killed by a nap

I was thinking I was going to binge as a sort of nutritional bachelor party this week. I'm not going to go stuff myself at Cici's like I thought I was going to. I already hit a Chinese buffet and it was not really worth it. So that was a lesson re-learned.

I'm going to be in bed at a decent time if I can tonight. I still feel tired enough. Maybe I just need to give up air conditioning.

Anyway: I don't know how helpful it will be to plan my meals--I think it's probably more useful to just keep a tally of what I eat, and critique my eating at the end of a three day period.

Tomorrow will also be a 20 minute run, followed by Push-ups, Crunches, and Squats.

Those are going to be basic conditioning exercises.

To what end? I'll be playing badminton as much as I can. I'm considering fencing again. I'd like to fence in Columbus. Maybe I can pay Vladimir a visit... Of course I should just be freakin' healthy. Oh yeah, there's soccer too.

Okay, I need some solid goals. Here goes:

Right now I believe I'm 246. Down to 210, a pound a week--36 weeks. That's 210 by the school year's end. 210 in April. Could I do it before? That might be dangerous. I think I should workout hardcore though. Really slam myself with aerobics. That's actually not as dangerous as it sounds, as long as I don't hurt myself.

For tomorrow:

• 20 minute morning run
  
• Basic calisthenics
• Good nutrition--if we go to Cici's, eat plenty of salad and pasta.
  
• In bed by 1am
• Wake up at 8am at the most. I'm afraid if I say this I'll wait till 8:30, so we'll see about this one.
  

For tonight:

• Get workout clothes ready for use
• Figure out where I'm going to be for the weekend
• Pack for BG
• Figure out when I'm going to workout when I get to Toledo.
  
• Feed those doggies
  

I'm up at a decent time today

I'm gonna go eat lunch with mom and my sis. I'm awake before noon today. If you saw where I was this summer, you would know this was a feat. I like where I am right now.

August 8th. Today and tomorrow I'm going to lay out the battle plan.

210. Badminton. Fencing. I get to 210 I can do anything.

Olympic Opening Ceremony August 8th

That's my day. Believe it.

First Post yay only took me how many years to think of the name?

To health!