Listening to the Last Samurai Soundtrack

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, or I suppose Black Friday at this point. It sounds like we're actually going to go out and participate in it.

I stuffed myself for Thanksgiving. I'm sure I'm approaching my daily caloric intake, but this afternoon was the only time I ate food to speak of, so I'm not feeling too bad about today. I'm going to try to get back on the work out train soon here. I'm not sure what I'm doing for winter break, but I'm sure I'll be spending a good amount of it

I'm going to try to be a good boy for the holidays. I've got 2 weeks to finish school strongly. Sleep will be essential. I'm not attending the OAHPERD conference after all, however. No moneys, and I have a feeling I'll need that day for working.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be that guy who gets up at 5:00am and does all kinds of healthy shit. Sometimes I wonder if that's worth it. Less talk, more do.

Night night.
--matt

Possibilities:

I wrote a list today. Free form. First things that came to mind under the heading "possibilities" for myself. I think the order in which they came to my mind was interesting.

• Own a shop
• Become a personal trainer
• Become a fitness instructor
• Become published
• Become a martial artist
• Compete in a badminton or racquetball tournament
• Become well-read
• Weigh 200 lbs.
• Earn a D in foil or sabre
• Become a practitioner of yoga & tai chi
• Become a teacher (rather low on the list, eh?)
• Become involved in community health
• Run a 5k
• Get a Ph. D.
• Become an artist (of any sort)
• Play in a chess tournament
• Become self-sufficient and gainfully employed (not first? Perhaps that applies to all of these)

What do I believe? Why is my teaching important?
For methods:
High school--it is important to experience P.E. in this country using this approach for myself. It is also my responsibility to do my best.

Why Handball?
--they CAN learn a new physical skill
--they MUST work as a team to succeed
--physical activity can have more meaning if it is a positive experience
--they CAN and ARE responsible for their movement, and should be unafraid to take action to express this

Elementary methods:
--fundamental skills for a variety of culturally valued activities
--Teach them that they CAN move, and that moving is FUN
--That they SHOULD move
--That they have a RIGHT to move
--Social skills
--That students are worthy of movement

Surprisingly fitness oriented. Surprisingly skill oriented.

What is my job? What do I want?
Autonomy
Money
Important to society
Insurance/benefits.

....is this teaching?

I need to stop spending so much time thinking about what I have to do and do it.

so tired, so busy

Feeling kind of numb lately. Desperate. I know it's senior-itis, but I'm also trying to cope with certain teacher. I haven't been emotionally exhausted like this in a long long time.

I tried to enjoy my veteran's day. I think for the most part I did. I didn't get a whole lot done, but I got enough done I think. This weekend is going to be the real test. I have a lot to do. Hopefully I'll be able to compartmentalize and get things accomplished.

I didn't do terrible on my diet today. It wasn't stellar by any means, but all the food I ate was actual food and not Wendy's or Taco Bell so that's good.

I miss working out. See emotionally exhausted.

I have to work very hard not get self-destructively bummed about it all. I keep telling myself it'll be over soon. Methods are hard enough without a teacher complicating it. I'm trying to stay positive. It's so goddamn hard. I'm supposed to be loving this and working hard. Instead I want to do anything but this.

I'm trying to take the Tao of Pooh verrrry, verrry seriously. It'll be about the only way I can cope with this semester. Worst case scenario: flunk out, work and pay off debt. Own a restaurant in 10 years. Not that bad.

Best case scenario: get straight A's, work and pay off debt. Own a restaurant in 10 years. Also not that bad, no?

Okay, time to be productive. This would be the part where Buddhism and Taoism help me survive.

...."From birth to death it's just like this?"

peace
mcsm

Hello. I'm still not very productive. I've rehearsed a thousand times in my head what needs to be done this week. I've known what I need to do since last Wednesday night. I have barely done any of it.

Part of it is I just don't want to do it. A lot of it is it's such a massive amount of work that I keep looking at it paralyzed. I also feel a little shortchanged. For both of my methods classes I need to utilize a huge amount of footage.

I barely have any footage. I need to hope that my next teaches for High School Methods are fantastic, and I need the different things that my exemplar teach is supposed to demonstrate to all be on the ONE lesson I recorded.

I can't imagine that my entire grade is bound to these tapes, but a good chunk is, and I just don't have the data. I keep getting distracted/confused/forgetful/someone forgets to tape for me. I'm getting really really nervous. I've done a lot of work this semester and I'm genuinely scared I'm not going to have good evidence for the things I've learned.

I don't know if I just am nervous cuz we're over the hill semester wise, but I think I might have something to be worried about.

Now that I've talked myself into a fit, I'm going to get to work...

God I feel awful lately. Senior-itis is setting in for sure, and while I know I'm supposed to make time to do physical activity, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!

Truth be told I spend most of my time worrying about what to do. I want to work fast food and just pay cheap rent and sleep till noon everyday again.

But at least the weather is nice and cool--great running weather. Great walking weather. I remember when I had time to enjoy it. Gosh.

Monday is super-crazy lesson-plan day. I have a list of to-dos somewhere, but just so I can sleep well tonight let's have them here, eh?

• Team-building lessons
• Passing lessons
• Shooting/Goalkeeping lessons
• Individual defense lessons
• Biomechanics study session prep
• Read any literacy stuff I may have to read.
  

The lesson files I'm projecting will take about 3-4 hours. Other stuff should take about 1-2 hours. I don't know what else I'm going to do but it's going to involve chess or Lord of the Rings by god.

Class from
8:30-10:20
11:30-4:00

I get sick of thinking about what I have to do--I would much rather have the ability and time to "do" things.

Slept till 1:00 today. It's 1:38am. Not nearly ready for bed yet, but I guess I better.

Fuck it.

--matt